regrets in life

I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe it is to vent my frustrations or regrets somewhere. Maybe it is to make people understand or at least try to understand it a bit. But I doubt it. After all, we can’t make the rest of the world agree to what we think. I know I can’t, but at least, I could unload it off my back.

I did not have a happy life in high school. I did not have many friends, only for a few, whom, after all these years have scattered across the globe. I did not fit in my high school classmates in most occasions. Perhaps it’s because of the life I led.

Weekends were packed with all sorts of tuitions, music lessons, etc. I did not went for movies, birthday parties, camping trips---nothing. For me, everyday was study and practice, study and practice. I spent hours on the piano and hours on my violin. Maybe that’s why I lacked the proper EQ when dealing with people, dealing with peers my age. I always had a problem with that.

Words were misinterpreted, for some reason. I don’t blame them. I guess it’s because we were all too young to understand it fully. For my part, I grew up with Hollywood films when most of them feasted upon Hong Kong movies. And in a West, I like you is a simple, universal term as compared to the direct translation into Chinese. I guess it was the cultural differences that deepened the gap.

Try as I may, it’s almost impossible to re-fill that gap. It has already widened into a trench, maybe even a sea. I find myself, lost, whenever there was a gathering. And eventually, I stopped going to them. I had thought that it was easy to mend that gap. I had hoped that it would work out the way it worked for me in my college years, where people could accept you for who you are, where people are outspoken as to what they feel, where people come from all parts of the world and can accept you who come from another world.

I used to say to myself NO REGRETS. But I can’t lie to myself. This is, one of my biggest regrets in life.

*credits to Methylate